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Plight Before Christmas

‘‘Twas the night before Christmas I was tired as heck, from cooking and cleaning and blowing leaves from the deck

Then I thought I should sit down for a while. A beer and a ballgame that’d make smile

Then all of sudden I heard very strange noise . The dog and the cats found the wrapped Christmas toys. I scurried right over for fear of what I’d see, then in a flash came down the big tree. Ornaments went rolling onto the floor, and the angel on top flew to the door. I was now in a panic, what was I to do. The ballgame had started and I’d had a beer or two. I yelled at the dog and shewed away the cat. But the the night was not over, just begun in fact. I waited till half time to clean up the mess, two more beers later I must confess. As I got up from my chair and reached for the broom, Killer the cat re-entered the room. I swung with great fervor to get rid of that cat, but killer was having none of that. He dodged all my swings and jumped over the chair. Too bad I had a cold one setting there. It poured and spewed right in my face, the beer that is, such a disgrace. So I knew now there was but one thing to do. Drink another cold one wouldn’t you to. Then all got quiet, the mess was still around, and suddenly my head started to pound. I thought it was someone knocking at the door until I saw the empty cans on the floor. The pounding I realized was all in my head, from the 12 pack of beer that surrounds me instead. I knew I still had a huge mess to clean. Only hours until Christmas, this just couldn’t be seen. So I stumble my way over to lift up the tree and jolly Saint Nick got a good look at me. He saw I was in a very bad state and I screamed wait Santa it’s still not too late. I’ll clean it all up just like it was before, Santa just turned and walked out the door. So there is a lesson you should learn from this story. This is just comedy not allegory. For making you laugh was my only delight. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

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